How to Forgive Him
by Dr. Christie
Summary: One-shot. Mainly Amy. The after affects of Demon's Run. Amy and Rory are back on Earth with a new daughter, but Amy still can't bring herself to forgive the Doctor. Mainly Amy speaking, a little Rory in the middle, tiny Doctor appearance towards the end.


Okay, so this is was just an idea that was bugging me for a while. As I am normally a super optimistic person when it comes to Doctor Who, I've no idea why I thought of this. I'm guessing they're a tiny bit OOC in this, well mainly Amy. But hey- my defense is you lose your daughter in your arms and have your one hope run away from you with only a little bit of information saying your daughter's going to live… it's gonna change you… Well okay, never mind… they're OOC. Only in this is Amy mad at the Doctor for Demon's Run, for me at least.

I, sadly, do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters.

So here goes…

**How to Forgive Him**

"Amy, where's Jessica's pacifier?" Rory asked, rummaging around their small living room as Amy held their eleven month old daughter in her arms.

"Kitchen, I think," Amy said, taking a seat in the large arm chair facing towards the window. She gazed out at the night sky, trying not to think about the ones she had been to.

"Right, got it," Rory said as he walked back into the living room, holding the object he had been searching for the past ten minutes, "Aaaand she's stop crying. Of course." He seemed to be annoyed, but as he handed Amy the pacifier, she could tell he wasn't. Just pretending.

"I wonder where he is," Amy said quietly, she was having one of her moments where she missed her old life of traveling. She gazed at the stars blinking overhead.

"Amy," Rory said gently, with a hint of really annoyance this time, they kept having this conversation, "We've talked about this. You need to let go. Most of the time you're angry at Him for what happened, and other times you're like this and in a couple seconds you're going to be mad at Him again."

"I can't help but wonder," Amy said quietly, slightly hurt.

"I'm sorry," Rory said, picking up on her hurt. He leaned forward, "I am, but it's the truth. It's been over year and you're still letting it eat away at you. I thought you having an imaginary friend until you were nineteen was bad, but I accepted it, I let that be a part of who you were."

"But He wasn't imaginary," Amy argued, holding Jessica tighter.

"No, I know that," Rory sighed, sitting on the armrest, he continued what he hadn't the previous hundred times they'd had this conversation, "But then he made you happy, and that made me happy. Then we got married," Rory smiled slightly at that, then frowned, "But I thought you'd be able to come back to this, just with those memories. Really good memories. I didn't expect it to consume you. You can't just sit here mourning Melody and blaming him. I'm sorry Amy, but I got on with my life, yeah it hurt that I lost my daughter. Our daughter. But I accepted it an moved on, there's still a place for Melody in my memories, and for Him too, but now we have Jessica, and He's gone. Please Amy you have to let go sometime. You don't have to forgive him, but please, let it go."

Amy gazed at her husband, "But Rory how can I? He… it's his fault that Melody isn't here with us."

"No," Rory frowned, "Amy, you need to stop blaming him for every single thing that's gone wrong. You're ignoring everything good He'd ever done. Like I said, you need to let go. At least stop blaming him for every single thing."

"I'm sorry," Amy said quietly, looking out into their yard.

"No, no, Amy," Rory leaned down quickly, "I didn't mean that. It's not your fault. Look Amy-"

"Rory, can I just have a little time on my own," Amy said, "With Jessica." She looked up again, adding feebly, "I'm fine stupid face… just need some time to think."

Rory reluctantly stood, "Well… okay then. Guess I'll see you. When you come to bed. Night." He leaned forwards and kissed Amy lightly and then kissed Jessica on the forehead. He walked quietly to the hallway, still worried at how different Amy had been acting the past year. She still wasn't herself. Demon's Run had changed her as it had changed him. Rory wished the old Amy could come back.

Amy waited until Rory was almost out of the room before speaking again, "I'll try, Rory." He paused before continuing to walk to their room. She added in a whisper, "I'll try."

* * *

><p>She sat quietly with Jessica on her lap, letting all the emotions she had tried to lock away the past year crash over her. She let all the memories of her travels flood through her, almost as if they were bursting through the dam that had held them back for a long, hard year.<p>

She remembered all the times she had laughed, and cried with Him. All the travels, with Rory, without Rory, with River. She nearly stopped breathing as she let herself think about that name and the woman who accompanied it.

After a minute she realized she was crying. She took a deep breath and then looked down at Jessica.

"Did I ever tell you that you had a sister?" She asked, knowing Jessica wouldn't understand, "She's only a few years older than you, but she's so much older than your father and I."

She stared out at the night sky and continued, "We used to travel with a friend. A wonderful, amazing man. We would travel to other worlds," she said with a smile, looking down at her daughter. She was doing what she hadn't done in a year. Remember.

She'd thought she could fix it by forgetting. But she couldn't. The anger was a constant reminder. No matter how hard Rory tried, Amy still noticed how, when he thought she wasn't looking, he would look up at the sky, or look through some of the old history books, turning the by now battered pages to pictures of their friend.

After a while they had an unspoken agreement that they wouldn't mention His name, or bring attention to anything to do with Him or memories.

But still the books were there. Opened every now and then, quickly and quietly, reminding them of old memories.

Amy still couldn't look at the pictures of Him without a surge of anger. He had lost her daughter, he had been the reason they took Melody, the reason for all the suffering.

Even now she felt the anger and sadness at the memories, but she stilled tried, like Rory had asked.

"Our friend, he had this… magical machine, it could take us anywhere," She unconsciously gave a tiny smile, "We would travel to amazing places, meet wonderful creatures, have adventures." The smile slipped, "Some better than others. We would travel with your sister, fighting bad guys, saving the day. Your father was amazing… he…" The image of Rory in his Roman outfit popped into her mind. It reminded her too much of Demon's Run. Melody. Losing her. Amy switched back to Jessica's sister. Even though it wasn't like her, it still helped, remembering the good.

"Your sister's out there, somewhere, traveling the stars," Amy whispered to the baby she was holding tightly in her arms. She looked down. Her daughter was sleeping peacefully. Amy smiled gently, remembering the joy of first holding her daughter in her arms. She let herself remember- dressed in all white, in a white room, overlooking a room similar in looks to a warehouse, feeling the pain of the now-familiar weight missing from her arms. The knock at the door. Rory walking in, holding a small bundle in his arms. Taking the baby in her arms. The family together for the first time. The door sliding open once more, letting in Him.

Amy stiffened, the smile sliding off her face slowly. Rory's words echoed in her head, _You have to let go sometime. You don't have to forgive him, but please, let it go._

She now realized why she hadn't let go. She had to forgive him. She just hadn't been ready yet. She took a deep breath.

"I-" She was cut off by a sound from the baby. Amy had woken her when she had stiffened, holding the baby tighter. The baby seemed about to cry so Amy put aside her previous thoughts and set about calming the baby.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, I didn't mean to hurt you," She bounced the baby slightly in her arms, standing to walk to the baby's room.

A few minutes later the baby was in her crib, fast asleep, dreaming peaceful dreams.

Amy went to join Rory, all thoughts of her old friend and lost child pushed to the back of her mind, as they had been for the past couple years.

* * *

><p>It had been three years later, four years since Jessica had been born, and Amy was sitting quietly on a park bench, listening to her friend talk about diet plans and who was marrying who. Amy didn't care. She just let Andrea be with her since Amy had been given strange looks ever since she stopped travelling.<p>

She hadn't left her and Rory's new house for months, mourning the loss of her child. After a while, Amy finally let Rory take her out of the house every couple of days, just for some fresh air. A few months later, she would leave the house, she got a job, she was pregnant, but she still wasn't happy. She wouldn't speak to anyone unless directly asked a question to do with her job. She didn't have anyone close enough to be a friend, other than Rory.

When Jessica had been born, Amy realized she couldn't keep living like that, she had to move on. She would still remember Melody, how she would grow to become River, but she never thought of her old friend. If anything to do with Him was brought up in a conversation, mainly with Rory, who by now knew to stay off the topic, He would only be referred to as Him and the conversation wouldn't last more than a few replies.

Jessica didn't even know she had a sister, no one did, other than Rory and Amy, of course. Jessica just knew that something had happened to her mother before she was born. Something that wasn't to be mentioned as her mother had spent the past few years healing from it.

_Rory watched Jessica play, and Amy sit with her 'friend'. Their house was one of those in a ring around the park, giving him a good view of Jessica playing with her friends from the kitchen window. He wanted her to be safe. He'd spent too much time traveling, seeing Amy in danger. He didn't want Jessica to ever have to feel that sort of fear. He wanted to keep her safe. Rory thought over the past through years, smiling at the memories. Amy had decided she would tell Jessica, about her time travelling, but just as stories. That way she could pretend they were just stories. She would tell Jessica about that mad man with a box. Rory didn't like it, but he could see it helped her, just a little. He wouldn't tell Amy, but he had forgiven Him. He had seen how He had fought to get to Amy and Melody._

_Rory remembered the first time he had traveled with Him and Amy, during the time he was unsure who Amy would choose._

_"You know what's dangerous about you?" He had told Him, pacing the courtyard after they had snuck into the Calvierri school, finding out just how much Amy was in, "It's not that you make people take risks. It's that you make them want to impress you. You- you make it so they don't want to let you down. You have No. Idea. How dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around."_

_He remembered Demon's Run, after they had lost Melody. River appearing out of nowhere, after he had asked for her help. She told Him how he had caused it all. Rory had understood exactly what she was saying, even if it took Him longer. He had felt his rage when he heard Him say that He was giving up._

_Giving up on finding Rory's daughter._

_Then he ran off to his spaceship, leaving them behind._

_Yet, Rory still forgave Him._

_Rory had been shocked when River had told them the truth about her, but he was glad. Melody lived. Then reality crashed around him. River. Melody was River._

_He had told Rory what happened to River. In the Library. That's where his daughter was going. Her whole life led up to that._

_But he still forgave Him._

_Rory had let Melody go, knowing she would grow up, if not particularly safe, she would still be with Him._

_Rory sighed and went back to doing the dishes. He wished Amy would just let go. She didn't have to forgive Him, but Rory wanted her to be happy. Not to have this…thing…consuming her. They both knew Melody would be fine, yet Rory thought Amy still wanted to blame someone._

Amy continued to watch Jessica. She didn't really notice the two new families joining them in the playground. She continued to think about the night before, when she had told Jessica the 'fairytale' of how in a far away kingdom, where the flowers and trees sang in the breeze, there was a princess. This princess was being kept by a monster, a horrible monster with claws and seven eyes. He wanted to rule the kingdom, using the princess to come to power.

He locked the princess' father and mother in the dungeons, and sent her love, the prince of a neighboring kingdom, off into the wilderness on a quest to protecting plains upon plains of singing daffodils and lilies from a rampaging army, sent there by the evil monster.

One day, a hero appeared out of nowhere, stepping out of a magical portal that could take him anywhere he wanted. He stopped the monster and freed the king and queen. He brought the brave prince back to his love.

The hero refused any and all rewards, leaving again, through his mysterious portal, disguised as a large blue box so thieves and enemies wouldn't find it and use it for their own terrible deeds.

That's how Amy had been telling Jessica about Him. Through fairytales. The hero, with his magical portal, traveling between kingdoms, saving the day.

All her stories were based on facts, cutting out the more scary parts.

That story had been almost word for word the truth.

They had landed on a small planet where all the plants had a voice, but a creature called the Cremian was intent on taking over the planet and selling those plants as exotic pets for those willing enough to pay top dollar. The ruler of the planet had been locked with his wife in the dungeon, kept alive for when the Cremian 'married' the princess so he could gain control of the planet. Amy and He had come just for fun but found out and stopped the Cremian.

She never put herself in those fairytales. If she had done something pivotal in the story, she would say that some brave girl or boy from a neighboring village came to help the hero save the day.

Amy didn't know what she would do when Jessica grew up and became too old for nightly bedtime stories.

Amy was torn out of her thoughts by a loud cry from the play set.

_Jessica!_ Amy jumped up and sprinted to her young daughter who had fallen off the set, she was clutching her knee tightly.

Before Amy could move through the small crowd of children come to watch the injured girl, a small girl ran forward and started to help Jessica. She was from one of the families that had arrived a few minutes before, she had been with her father, if Amy could remember correctly. She hadn't had a good look at the father, but she was sure she had never seen the girl or her father in their neighborhood before.

Finally Amy was able to get to Jessica, she knelt down next to the new girl.

The girl was only a couple years older than Jessica, but seemed mature beyond her years.

"She's okay, just a scrape," she said calmly to Amy, "I's on her knee." She said with the slight accent of a young child still learning the complexities of speech.

"Thank you," Amy said, only slightly ignoring the girl, brushing Jessica's hair out of her face as she cried. Amy checked the knee, just as the girl had said it wasn't too bad. It would still need a couple of Band-Aids. Now that she had seen Jessica wasn't in terrible danger, she turned to the girl once more, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," The girl said. She had dark brown hair and light brown eyes, "I don't like getting scrapped either."

Amy smiled slightly, an action she was now unused to, "Same here. I haven't seen you or your father around here. New?" She said, motioning in the direction of the man, still standing on the side of the playground, slightly hidden by the play set. The crowd of kids had dispersed, the girl wasn't too badly injured and it was boring just watching her mother comfort her.

"No," The girl responded, jumping up, "Visiting." She smiled, "Nice to meet you!" She stuck her hand out, "What's your name?"

"Amelia Pond," Amy was smiling now as she accepted the hand, "You?"

The girl hadn't let go, she seemed frozen, "Hi." She finally said, "What's your daughter's name?" She asked. Amy was surprised by the change in the conversation with the girl, but she still answered.

"Jessica."

"Oh," The girl looked down at Jessica, then she ran forward and gave Amy a tight hug, surprising the woman by the strength of the small child. The girl mumbled something into Amy's jacket that Amy couldn't quite make out.

The girl broke away suddenly and sprinted to her father.

Amy helped Jessica up, walking towards the bench Amy had left. She was trying to figure out what the girl had mumbled.

Just as she was sitting down, Jessica on her lap, Amy realized what the girl had said.

_This is better than I'd imagined…Mom._

Amy took a sharp breath. He had brought her back to her, even if it was just for a few seconds. Just long enough for the daughter to meet her mother.

Amy watched as the girl ran back to the man Amy now knew to not be her father.

The Doctor looked towards Amy, their gazes connected and he gave her a small, sad smile, as he took Melody's hand in his and walked towards the TARDIS. She wanted to run after them, to hold Melody in her arms once more, to thank him for bringing her, but Amy was frozen.

The familiar sound of the TARDIS dematerializing seemed to break Amy out of the trance she had been in the past few years.

She watched the large blue box fade, tears streaming down her cheeks.

She whispered to man who she had blamed everything on, every bad moment, every tear, anything that brought pain on her family. She let that all fade. She tried to say it, but choked slightly, crying even harder.

She took a deep breath and whispered, "I forgive you."

_Alright, so Amy was super OOC in this, I'm super tired and slightly stressed and this idea kept bugging me. Personally I'm not super happy with it, especially since I'm apparently incapable of keeping Amy in character in this… but minus the OOC..ness of it, I hope you liked it, and please tell me what you thought.  
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